Mind is a very funny device. I am killing meditation and not in a good way. The first month was easy, since there were not many distractions and a routine was set, which I followed every single day. When there are disturbances in the routine and the ripple of these disturbances flow throughout your day, it is very difficult to concentrate on mindfulness.
I was trying to accept the fact that I was upset today and even though I tried my best at acknowledging it, my thick skull couldn’t get accustomed to this simple truth that I was upset. I was trying to drive that feeling away, little did I know, that if I just accept the feeling with gratitude and humility, it will go away peacefully. I spend a good amount of 1 hour sulking.
But then something miraculous happened, just like that in the blink of a second, all of my sadness went away. It was immediate. Only then did I realize that I was sad over NOTHING! I could have avoided all of that unpleasant feelings, just by accepting facts.
Meditation is hard! Mindfulness, even harder! No wonder, majority of the world is unhappy.
Meditation and mindfulness has taught me to be in the present moment without regretting the past or fantasizing the future. However, doing this is very tough. Our mind wanders away by default, all the time. It seldom stays in a single place. Even if I succeed at focusing my mind on my breath, it doesn’t last for more than a few minutes.
For instance, the thought of moving to Mumbai has made me so excited that I am thinking about the stuff I would do after moving to Mumbai, all the time. Instead of being in the present moment, I am building hypothetical realities in my head, which would probably not exist.
One such scenario came as a blow to me today. The location in Mumbai I was looking forward to moving has shortage of seats, so I was allocated a seat in the farther location. This location is super far away from home and I would be traveling an obscene amount of time if I opt for this location.
I still have hopes that I somehow get the other location I am looking for.
Fingers crossed. 🙂
Moreover, I must learn to be mindful during this roller coaster ride.
It was a beautiful today. The evening was just perfect with rains pouring down and cool breeze flowing through my window and out through the door.
Thanks to cross ventilation.
I was watching a video today on how a guy salvages broken Tesla’s and builds a brand new one for unbelievably low cost. It is his hobby he says. Quite an interesting hobby you have there, Sir.
I didn’t do anything today. Except a little bit of C# programming which was interesting. But I don’t like stupid tests that command me to do things. So I stopped doing it. God I need to do something productive.
I AM WAYY BEHIND ON MY BOOKS and I AM FREAKING OUT.
Good night Ashish. I know, only you read my posts.
I witnessed the most beautiful sunset today. There were dark clouds hinting at rains all through the day and the sun was not visible at all. At 6PM however, I saw an orange shimmer coming into my room window. And it was BEAUTIFUL! Made my day.
I also feel like writing everyday is becoming a chore for me now. I don’t usually write form my heart now. I just write because I have to. Because I committed to it. Its like a job that you do but don’t like, but can’t quit? Man, I do not know what I am doing.
I also had a very weird dream today. I travel to a unknown dimension in outer space which is so cool. This place has sunlight all the time. Everyone is tracked all the time, with their own GPS System. There are lights all over the place, and authorities are searching for me, because I am an alien in this planet. Really fun dream. I woke up when I was sitting in an alien toilet, contemplating about life.
Talk about strange dreams.
Everything around you is reeking of logistics. When you really think about it, every piece of object that we use has gone through some process of logistics at some point in its life. Logistics is all around us. The box that lay on the table has had someone put measurements and build it. The bag you use had someone lay out a diagram and stitch up at exact marked points. No matter how crude, there was at least some logistics involved in every single thing.
Laptop, phones, chargers, headphones, clothes, homes, building, airports, airplanes, vehicles, cupboards, televisions you get the drift.
Recently, the thoughts of me moving to Mumbai have triggered a series of logistically related questions of how I would move all of my belongings all the way to Mumbai. Only this is when I realized, the importance of logistics in our everyday life. Our brain starts thinking logistics, the moment we open our eyes. It just runs everything behind the scenes and you rarely notice it.
Logistics run everything. Art is just a pleasant by product.
There was some rain today as well which reflected well on the climate. After reaching home, as soon as I was about to set in my usual schedule, the power went off. Usually, I power up my laptop and blog. Today was different.
My phone battery was low, there was no power and I did not know what to do. Electricity has just flipped its finger to my well thought out daily plan. I went to another hotel for dinner today and after I came back to my room, I lit a candle. I took up an actual physical book to read.
Surprisingly, in that moment, I felt more calm than ever. I had no connection with the outside world, just that flickering candle and a hard physical of a book. I felt at peace. Right about then, the power came back on and all my anxiousness and tasks came rushing back. I was happy that the power had come back but I was also anxious of the tasks that lay ahead of me.
Technology might be a necessary invention, but it is making us anxious by the day. Think about it. Disconnect for one hour and feel the difference. 🙂
I was super tempted to eat some good food today. To make things worse, there is a brand new hotel that has started right next to my place and their kitchen window opens right into my room window. I can smell delicious food all day.
Restless and tempted, I decided to order food from the same hotel. On my way, I stumbled upon my usual old hotel. I also met the cook who was on a long 6 month vacation because his wife gave birth to triplets. He just came back yesterday from his hometown, Nepal.
By then I had already entered this hotel, so I ate two dosai there. Post this, I was conversing with the hotel owner. There is a small tapri that has opened opposite my pg which sells vadai and several deep fried delicacies. I asked the hotel owner about this tapri. He confirmed that the food there is tasty and good. I bought 30 rupees worth of deep oil fried food which turned out to be really tasty.
And I made a good 360 rupees loss today while trading crude. I don’t want things to get worse. I am off to bed. Good night y’all.
It rained all of a sudden today in Coimbatore. It was like killing two birds with one stone. The dust cloud is no longer there, now that all of the sprinkled dust is settled into the ground. Also, the temperature is really chill now.
The highlight of the day was cycling back home. Usually, when it rains and I have to cycle back home, I sulk at the rains. My glasses are covered with droplets, I am drenched with water and I have to wash my shirt after coming back home because of all the mud that my cycle splashes on my shirt.
Today however, was different. I was mindful and present in the moment when coming back home. I could smell the calm fragrance of moist mud, the water droplets hitting my face and drenching my shirt, the pleasant wind that I felt when cycling. I was present in that particular moment, I was not worrying getting wet will make me fall ill tomorrow (even though I might). To my surprise, I could also feel the splash of dirt on my back and even that didn’t bug me. I was quite alright with it.
Mindfulness is a magical feeling. It was as if I am experiencing so many things at once. I think all of the meditation is finally paying off. Headspace told me today that I have completed 700 minutes of meditation/ silence, which is quite an achievement for me.
I am so glad I took up meditation. 🙂
I was in the mood of being spontaneous today and out of the blue I walked to my boss’ cabin and asked him if there was any possibility of me moving to Mumbai, any time soon. To my surprise, he answered affirmatively. If all goes according to plan, I would be on my way home within this month. That is really fast than what I had in mind.
A lot of logistics are now getting involved in my head. I need to carry a lot of things and the most important is my bicycle. I am unsure how I could carry my cycle all the way to Bombay without damaging it.
There are several ideas that I have.
1. Pack it and send it via our beloved and trusted Indian Railways.
2. Buy a big cycle carry bag, dismantle the cycle and send it over.
3. Sell it 🙁
I know one shouldn’t be emotional to material objects. And I am not being emotional here. The logistics involved in transporting the cycle is almost equivalent to buying a new one at home.
The next few weeks are going to be a blur and I am excited. 🙂
I had a profound realization today. I realized that the brain doesn’t control us. We, control the brain. One might ask, then who is we? How do we realize that we are something more than the chemical and physical concoction of random events that supposedly happened over quite a handful of millennia?
I don’t know.
That might sound like a naive answer but I really do not know. However, I know one thing. Procrastination leads nowhere. So I am now set out to do things right away and not pushing them off anymore.
I am excited to get things done. 🙂